I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
