Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize