I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize