I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize