What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
