my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
