dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
