She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
