fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
