At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
