Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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