i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
