Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
