Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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