I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
