just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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