i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
