You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
