I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize