This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
