Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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