I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
