Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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