nut hugger
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
