Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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