I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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