You work out of a Hotel?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
