either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
