when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
