How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
