On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
