My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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