fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize