I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And then he peed in my hair
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