WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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