I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
