I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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