Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
