So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
