Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
