you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
