Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
