Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
