I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
