i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
