I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
