Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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