I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
