You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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