the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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