so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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