he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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