The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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