Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
