She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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