He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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