how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
