My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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