Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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