She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
