I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
