Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
