Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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