Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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