Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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