we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
