Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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