He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
